so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
