Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
