Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My life is pants optional.
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