Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
