mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I love you.
Bad choice
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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