I can tuck mytits in my pants
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
