i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
