it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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