party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize