My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
