im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
