Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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