I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
