The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I pour the whiskey from now on
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