i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
