Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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