Even the bartender felt bad for me
you didnt know i had herpes?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
