I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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