Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
