just come out here and I will go home with you...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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