I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
