I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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