the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
