Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
