Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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