She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
