ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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