if i can run in heels then i can drive
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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