if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
