saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I faked an abortion last night.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
