If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
