I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
