Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
