Just fell off a train. Bad.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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