We won't sleep together?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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