we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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