Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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