There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
