There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
