with your own penis?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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