his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
