its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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