I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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