im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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