I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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