Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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