Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
