I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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