why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
