The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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