MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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