jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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