I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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