it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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