a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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