Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
