went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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