you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
