i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
