sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
