The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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