John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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