All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
