did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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