Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
