I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
