Buhtt sex?
im six kinds of drunk right now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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