Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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