I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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