I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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