his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it was like having sex with a tree stump
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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